Will my ex come back? Advice from 7 relationship counselors

Following the breakup of a relationship, it’s normal to wonder if your ex will come back. While you might struggle to keep the question out of your mind, it’s important you realize that this may not be a question you should be asking yourself at all. Some families do better when they are separated.

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Grief after a break up

Thinking about whether or not your ex will return can be incredibly harmful, as it feeds your denial of your breakup. To lessen the painful reality that you and your partner are no more, you might consider that if your ex will ultimately return, there’s no reason to take what’s happening seriously. That it’s not a genuine breakup — just a minor blip in your relationship.

If you’re hoping your ex will come back, it’s likely because you’re experiencing the denial stage of grief. Grief isn’t restricted to the death of someone close to you. Other painful life occurrences, like losing your job or the breakup of a relationship, can also cause feelings of grief.

Maybe your mind wants you to believe that the breakup wasn’t your fault and therefore you don’t need to make any changes. Or maybe your mind can’t cope with the idea of having to start over with a new relationship, so it convinces you that your ex will come back. Essentially, your mind wants the fastest, easiest, and most pain-free way out of this situation and that is to deny the situation ever existed in the first place.

The truth is that your relationship is over. And while it’s possible your ex will come back, it’s not very likely. Especially if neither of you are willing to change.

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There’s a reason your relationship ended. It doesn’t matter whether it was because your partner didn’t think they were a priority in your life, or whether you grew tired of your partner’s constant tardiness. What does matter is your ability to change. If your partner does come back, are you willing to make them a priority? Are you willing to be more relaxed over their time-keeping?

Relationships are hard work and require compromise on both parts. If your ex comes back and your relationship remains exactly as it was previously, it is likely that it will be unsuccessful once again. For your relationship to have a real chance, you need to compromise and find a way of living with each other’s strengths and weaknesses. You may need to accept the differences that drove you apart and learn how to communicate effectively about them, either with a couples and family therapist or on your own.

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Signs your ex will come back

If you are eager to change and give your relationship another try, there are some signs to watch out for which suggest your partner may want to give it another go, too. Here’s some helpful advice from six counselors to help you spot them:

  1. Breakup coach Kevin Thompson and psychotherapist Heather Shannon from Ex Back Permanently agrees that your ex might come back if they broke up with you in the heat of the moment.
  2. Dating and relationship expert Marco from Relationship Hero states that your relationship might be salvageable if your partner hasn’t cut you out of their life: “If your ex is not trying to cut you out of their life and memories, they’re probably not ready to let go of you completely. And that’s a good sign that they’re still open to the idea of getting back with you.”
  3. Relationship coach Adrian from With My Ex Again claims that your partner will almost certainly come back if they regret the breakup: “The biggest indicator is when an ex flat out tells you they miss you and that they think that the breakup was a mistake. You can see that they clearly regret what happened and that they don’t want to be without you.”
  4. Breakup coach and relationship expert Lee Wilson from My Ex Back Coach says that some people get back together over pride, however this rarely turns out well: “Some people hate to fail and pride themselves on finishing what they started. That’s admirable, but it will not last. No one can stay in an unfulfilling situation forever – and they won’t.”
  5. Relationship coach Max Jancar stresses that if your ex wants to spend time with you, your relationship might not be over just yet: “Maybe they call you, text you, or tell you this in person. In any case, it’s an obvious sign of interest.”
  6. Breakup expert Clay Andrews from Attract the One explains that your ex might return if the reason you broke up has since been resolved: “If you can go ahead and resolve that issue, that is going to be one very, very, very big sign that you can get back together with your ex after no contact or just in general.”

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Start with you

Although you need two people to form a relationship, you as an individual are just as important as you and your partner as a unit. For your relationship to be successful, you need to take care of yourself and work on the parts of you which need improving. By becoming a better version of yourself, you’ll be happier and more confident — two strong attributes which will extend into your relationship.

If you can’t stop thinking about your ex or you’re struggling to make the changes you know need to be made, it may be time to seek the help of a counselor. Relationships are very personal, intimate things and it’s likely you’re too close to the problem to be able to solve it on your own. Schedule your first counseling appointment today and let us help you make the improvements required to live a better life. Learn how to have productive arguments, rather than toxic ones and how to accept differences rather than let them drive you two apart! 

Frequently Asked questions

Do people with ADHD remember their exes?

Yes, people with ADHD can remember their exes just like anyone else. Memory is a complex cognitive function and is not determined solely by ADHD. However, difficulties with attention and focus may affect the clarity and organization of those memories.

Do people with ADHD get over breakups fast?

Not necessarily. The emotional impact of a breakup varies from person to person, regardless of ADHD. Factors like individual coping mechanisms, the nature of the relationship, and emotional resilience play a more significant role in how quickly someone moves on from a breakup.

How do you get back with someone with ADHD?

Reconnecting with someone with ADHD involves understanding their unique needs, being patient, and communicating openly. Show empathy, set clear expectations, and provide support. Seek professional guidance if necessary, and prioritize a healthy, understanding relationship.

The information on this page is not intended to be a substitution for diagnosis, treatment, or informed professional advice. You should not take any action or avoid taking any action without consulting with a qualified mental health professional. If you are in a crisis or any other person may be in danger,  these resources can provide you with immediate help:
Suicide and Crisis Lifeline 988
24 Hour Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1.800.273.8255
Crisis Text Line Text TALK to 741741